The decision to write a blog stemmed from the following;

• to give a frank and honest account

I felt the need to log my actual journey as it happened. I’m already over a week post surgery and have forgotten a lot of what happened last week. Call it “getting older”, “brain fog” or the over indulgence of prescription drugs. I felt as if the drugs were taking over my body. I was being constantly offered drugs, so much so that my brain was complete mush. I was not sleeping deeply enough and my dreams were constantly consuming my brain power. It was truly exhausting. I also realised that I had withdrawal symptoms from my normal painkillers and was suffering these wild harassing nightmares for at least 48 hours. It was like watching and taking part in back to back horror movies.

• help me to process and log my journey, mentally and physically

In reading others’ accounts of their problems, questions and journies I realised that I may hit issues along the road. We are all different and I did not and still do not see myself like many of the sleeve patients on other sites. I was not the fat kid! I led a full on, active, work hard play hard life. I was sporty all my life up until I turned 40. I was forced to give up my sport due to injury. My body shut down and I could hardly walk. I experience a number of emotional and physical traumas within a few years and I fell into a deep depression. I lost my father and brother, my home, had 6 redundancies and was in pain 24/7 365 days a year.  I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia  Fibromyalgia – NHS.UK , Hypermobility Syndrome Hypermobility Syndromes Association and TMJD (Temporomandibular Joint Disorders )

Life had become hard and I lost the will to fight anymore. I was also going though the menopause and I was growing my way through all the pain. I had picked up bad habits and my portion sizes were growing too. I did and do love “good food”! I hated myself! My health conditions stopped me from any repititive exercise. It was a vicious circle. I felt that I was going to get unhealthier and lead a life filled with doom and pain. Where had that positive, funny girl gone?

I needed to try and find her again.  

I have been working hard on finding me again for a few years now and gave up the idea of working full time in industry and commerce. I decided to be my mother’s carer full time. My mum although 91, is independant and lives as such too. Her mobility is poor and needs someone to run about after her. That decision helped me find the “old me” again as it gave me the time to work on stuff, mainly me. I gradually came back. Except for my body image. It was as if I’d woken up from a comatose nightmare and the body snatchers had taken my body and left me this dudd one. Or perhaps I had grown a co-joined twin. Whatever I may have thought, I was carrying around another person within this broken shell. It was time to do something and make sure I succeed this time. So the idea of using a blog as a type of cathartic therapy appealed to my analytic mind.  I had written poetry before as a form of therapy, but I felt there were far more words required here to fulfill the deep desire to be that old Zena again.

• encouraging positivity amongst fellow sleevers through healthy choices

On reading many accounts and comments I was shocked by the ignorance about food amongst a number of fellow sleevers.  I was disgusted by what many were eating post surgery; the lack of high protein low fat, low carbohydrate meals, the high display of stodge being flashed about these web pages in glorious technicolour, but more importantly the transparent and blatent depressive attitudes to being sleeved, the change in life style and the excessive number of food funerals being held pre-op.

Why should the love of food be any different pre or post-op? After all, a healthy well-balanced diet, should always include good and tasty food. Its the persons perception of what good food is that matters. I fortunately love cooking and food.

With this in mind, I feel that a few of these pages available as support, may in some ways give some support to individuals as they travel through the stages, in others they are destructive and too negative to nurture a positive result. In my case I found most of the experience as an unhealthy atmosphere to have to rely on through my journey.  So I decided if I don’t want to join in then I could create my own safe space to be. I hope my space encourages, helps and gives positive vibes to the typical or untypical sleever.

• sharing my own experiences in more detail to a target audience

Writing a blog will give me the opportunity to get writing again, something I miss doing. I spent many years writing instruction manuals, quality procedures, training manuals, recommendation proposals and latterly poetry. So this will give me a place to share, vent or communicate with other sleevers in my place.

• encouraging others to take the first step

Offering a positive environment to others who are trying to decide about getting a Gastric Sleeve done or narrow down the possibilities available and what is involved.

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